Have you ever stopped yourself from putting yourself first because you didn’t want to seem
“selfish”? What happened next? Maybe you felt content with your choice. Or maybe you felt
frustrated when your own needs didn’t get met.
“selfish”? What happened next? Maybe you felt content with your choice. Or maybe you felt
frustrated when your own needs didn’t get met.
Was there any lingering resentment?
Here’s something worth considering: sometimes we use selflessness as a shield. If we can tell
ourselves we’re being a good person, we don’t have to do the harder work of setting boundaries
or speaking up for what we need. We get that temporary glow of doing a good deed, but at what
cost? Your time? Your energy? Your peace of mind?
When I talk about being selfish, I’m not suggesting you start cutting people off in traffic or saying
whatever pops into your head. I’m talking about finding more balance – advocating for your
needs and setting boundaries when necessary. And here’s what we often underestimate: taking
care of yourself doesn’t just benefit you. When you’re grounded and your own cup is full, you can
genuinely show up for the people and things that matter to you. You have more to give because
you’re not running on empty.
So what does healthy “selfishness” actually look like? It’s different for everyone, but here are
some examples:
• Saying no to social plans when you’re genuinely exhausted, even though you “should” go
• Asking for help instead of shouldering everything alone
• Protecting your energy by limiting time with people who drain you
The truth is, boundaries aren’t walls that keep people out – they’re guidelines that help your
relationships thrive. When you’re clear about your limits and honest about your needs, you’re
actually being more authentic and present with others, not less.
If you find yourself constantly putting everyone else first and feeling resentful, exhausted, or
invisible in the process, that’s worth paying attention to. Learning to balance caring for others
with caring for yourself isn’t selfish – it’s sustainable. And it might just be the thing that helps
you show up as the person you actually want to be.
Need help finding that balance? Let’s talk about it.
